Saturday, April 30, 2016

Why Do I Keep Staying

"Big Boss. He's smart, funny... and mysterious. But... he has a lot of secrets. He'll disappear from time to time. He'll be hard to contact. And then, one day... He'll never come back."

I don't know why but this is so awkward. I’m used to being left, out of sudden. So when you just talk about random things, it felt weird. I still tried, pretending that it was normal. But why did I do that? Why did I even try? I should’ve just go away. Because that’s what you did. Came as you pleased and then leaving when you felt like it. Tbh, I really wanted to tell you how awkward you’re making me feel right now. How things are not the same. And you have no idea how many things I want to scold you for. Why am I holding this? Why can’t I just let it out like I used to? Because it’s not the same anymore. It’s just not. Fix this for me. Please. 


Monday, April 4, 2016

Us, both of us

Man and woman, are so different. I never really realized this, but man usually doesn’t express himself much, expecting woman to understand while woman on the other hand doesn’t understand just through action and need to hear the exact words in order to understand. Because, woman thinks too much, and tends to be confused. I was watching We Got Married, and Sungjae said that, “Trust. Because I trust Joy to feel the same way as I do, I can do anything comfortably around her. Because if Joy does it, I will still think she is lovely”.  Well, I couple shouldn’t be too comfortable with each other, but best friends should. (that’s why I think Sungjae-Joy relationship is more towards being best friends than a married couple)
Because nine years is long enough for a person to change, because nine years is long enough for a person move on, because nine years is long enough for a person to forget; maybe that’s why I thought “Ahh, we’re not 15 anymore, we’re not that close anymore, that person isn’t the same anymore”. So every time I want to call him first, I would think like 100 times and ended up not doing anything. But little did I know, that nine years is long enough to understand each other by heart.
Well, it’s been a while since we last talked to each other and of course neither of us wanted it to be awkward. But it has been so long that there were too many things to talk about that we don’t know what to talk about first. But the moment you initially talked about things that I know you hated and you don’t usually talk about, well, I was startled at first, I mean, why does he need to clarify this for me? Why do I need to know? Then I realized, that I’m still important, I’m still what I used to be to you. And I’m grateful for that.

“If a man does something that he doesn’t usually do, it means that person is important to him” – Jang Junseong


Please Turn Back Time for Me

I had no time to look sideways. I look straight ahead so that I wouldn’t fall; I only looked ahead. I thought I had lived harder than anyone else around me, but where did it all go wrong?” – Hong Seol

When I write, it means I was thinking, and yeah, a while ago. After reading the manhwa ‘Cheese in The Trap’ which I found very amusing and addicting, I came across the part where they were given group assignment but it ended up with Seol doing all the works and their group got a D. The teacher told her, “when your group refuses to cooperate, you gave up on them right away and decided to do all the work by yourself, because it’s easier”.
Frankly, I would agree with the statement. As currently I’m doing a group project, it’s very stressful and tiring. I came up with something, well it’s my part so shouldn’t I do it my way? But it’s hard when others are not satisfied by my work. But the worst part is, they don’t trust you.
I categorize my classmates in three; the top students (who got the highest CGPA and all), the middle (who got slightly lower marks) and the bottom (who apparently doesn’t score well). I don’t know in which category others fit me in, but for myself, I think I’m in the third one. The worst about being in the bottom is that, they don’t trust you. That’s what happened to me. I was told to do certain part but that person just gave something she thought was perfect and asked me to copy it. What do you take me for? I spent some times searching for it myself and it’s my part, why do I have to do just because you think it’s right? They’re like that, bossing around as if I’m not capable enough. At least that’s how I feel. And I hate that.

I don’t know what went wrong, and I don’t know how to get up back. The battle has been endless for me. I know, everyone is having a hard time, everyone is struggling. I just have to keep going; but how long? How much further? I’m getting tired. But as long as I haven’t given up, it means I haven’t reach my limit yet. So I’m just going to fight harder, trying to find myself back, and be on the place I used to be again, I hope.