Thursday, February 26, 2015

Close your eyes, and take a breath.

Just because others are slightly different from you, does it make them not normal? If that the case, then everybody is not normal. People are different. Just like how their eyes, nose, lips are different, their mental also differs. That’s why not all people can understand you. If you give different choices to different people, the one they’d choose might be different. Trauma; does everyone have it? Or it is just simply a fear? Doesn’t fear come out of trauma? I’m not really sure what fear do I have, but I’m afraid of almost everything. When I’m driving, weird thoughts came to my mind; things like accidents and bloods; but I just keep driving despite how scared I was. But I don’t think I have any traumatic experience. And I think I have a fear of crowd (?); I can’t stand when strangers are staring at me; it gave me an extreme nervousness. It’s hard for me to present in front of crowd or talk; my mind went blank and I can’t think of anything at that moment. Everything that I had planned just disappeared. I can’t even remember what I said. Are these disorders? Am I not normal? I used to be brave; or at least I pretended to. Did I lose all my strength? I used to be okay getting injected or poked but lately, I’m scared of it. But no matter how hard it is, just control your mind; don’t let the mind control you.
Today, Ahn Sojin just passed away. She jumped from the tenth floor. Maybe she taught her burden was too hard for her to handle. Depression; that’s some sort of mental illness too. When you taught it’s too hard, you just want to end it, right? But don’t you think you should give another try? In anything, just keep going, no matter how hard, just do it. You wouldn’t know whether you can handle it or not unless you try. So just keep giving yourself another try. I know, saying is easier than doing it; but nobody else can help if you don’t want to help yourself.