Monday, July 3, 2017

Though I cannot express all of my feelings

"Though I cannot express all my feelings,
It's okay because you know everything and smile" 
- Jung Sewoon, Always

Annyeong. It’s been a while right. So, I decided to write something today after sooooo long. I haven’t write about this person before, but we’ve been close for quite a while now. Because I’ve always write about that one person, it’s kindda weird to write about another person tbh. But I want to remember this as well.

Through her (yes, she is a girl), I just knew that I have this huge ego inside me.

The old me would’ve keep any sadness or hurtful feelings within myself and never talk about it. I would suddenly become awkward with that person and slowly go away. Then that person won’t even know what’s wrong and had no idea that I was upset. And suddenly, we became strangers.
Obviously, she changed me. Because I know she would gladly befriend with me for who I am, I can freely tell her if I’m, sad or mad or upset. Then she would say why she did that or if it was just misunderstanding.

The old me wouldn’t even give a chance for the other person to explain themselves.
Thank you for being with me and being patience with me and telling me when I was wrong. I’m really glad that I’ve met you. Idk if you will ever read this, but if you do, annyeong.

I treasured all my friends. But my ‘ego’ might still be high for some of my friends. So, if you happen to read this, please text me first. If I ever upset you, please tell me so. 

Friday, March 17, 2017


It’s been a while. I really want to write again, for so long, but it just didn’t happen. Maybe this place is really dedicated to you. Because everything seems to be about you. And when it’s about you, I really want to write. Because I want to remember. But please don’t read this. It’s embarrassing.

You know, having a lot of feelings, like easily getting hurt or being sad, is better than having so little of them. It means, you will appreciate little things more. Having to be born with that should be a blessing. Why do I always hate myself for having such feelings? It hurts so much, like thousand times more than others would. Guess I have never seen it in a good way before.

I didn’t know that about you. Thank you. Thank you for letting me to love myself a bit. 

Monday, September 5, 2016

I'm Being Dragged, Again

It’s been a while; I haven’t been too immersed into drama lately. I just watched, find something interesting; some quotes or something about life, in the drama to write about. Sometimes I just found the story interesting and fun. But that’s all. The last few dramas I’ve finished was Doctors, Beautiful Gong Shim, Entertainer, Page Turner, Descendants of the Sun, and Oh My Venus (all in 2016). But none of them leave such an impact. The dramas that hit me so much was I Hear Your Voice, School 2013, Dream High, Secret Garden, Reply 1997, Healer and Kill Me Heal Me. This time, I got hit again, by W.
It’s been a while since I have this feeling, having too much impact in me that I’m unable to be rational with my real life for a few days. As if I’m being dragged into the drama, but I got dragged too deep, that I got lost. You know, last night, I had a dream. I was in the drama, as one of the character, but I can’t remember what I did or what happened. I just woke up and forgot everything. I wish I had remember it. So I could write it here. So I could still remember it after 10 years.
After the episode today, I got hit so badly. My heart, like it stopped beating for a while. After the scene ended, I found myself start breathing again. It was suffocating. It hurt so much. Guess I got in too deep. I should live now. My life. Real life. But losing it for some time wasn’t so bad. I want that too; enter the other world. I might not be able to sleep tonight.

“It’s a manhwa – whether he lives or dies, he’s just the main character of a manhwa” -Oh Yeon Joo

I shouldn’t get myself too much on it. They’re just characters. Created by human. Meant to be with happy ending. 


Thursday, September 1, 2016

Just one more time

“You can’t live only doing the things you like” - Yoo Hye Jung

There are times when things got too difficult. There are times when I just wanted to give up. There are times when I felt breathless, tired, suffocating. There are times when things just don’t go the way I wanted. At these times, I just wanted to sleep all day long and don’t want to wake up. Sometimes I wanted to scratch myself, so the pain would make the hardship go away. But I endured, I don’t know why and how, I just did. Now, looking back, it wasn’t so bad. But on that day, it was really bad. However, you can’t only live by doing things you like. You live by doing everything. By going through those times, you’ll feel like living. Just endure it, one more time, and another more, and slowly, you’re becoming the better person you are now.


Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Honestly, I'm Confused

Have you ever feel like so tangled? Like you don’t feel like doing anything. And you can’t even enjoy the things you like, because of the confusion lying inside. It was like, even watching drama or playing games weren’t exciting. It feels empty. As if something was missing. This weird feeling. What is it? It hurts. It makes me anxious all the time. I’m so uneasy so I’ll just go to sleep. 

 "Don’t try to be a person that people will like, just be someone that you yourself can like - Hong Ji Hong


Monday, July 25, 2016

I also have that, inferiority complex

“Seeing you makes me angry, and I don’t know why. I got angry, with myself” – Jin Seo Woo

For no reason, I just got angry, or maybe irritated, or maybe, just maybe, hurt? I don’t know why and I don’t even want to know, because I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling like this, but I just can’t help it. So I acted badly.

I really hate this feeling but it just won’t go away. That’s why we don’t talk to each other anymore. Because I hate it so much. Because I hate myself whenever I see you. Because you made me feel like a fool. Or maybe I am? Anyway I just hated it. But I don’t know if I hate you or not. I’m a bad person, I know that too. So just don’t bother me. Because I just might hate you more. Just as you know, hating hurts too.


Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Page Turner

A page turner is someone who stands up on the same stage as the pianist to turn the pages of the sheet music in time for the pianist to smoothly transition from page to page in the performance. Essentially, a page turner can both save and ruin a performance.
Just like a page turner in the piano performance, someone, or something, could be the page turner in our life. We just need the right time, the right place, and the right person, to help turning the page of our life. As for myself, right now, I’m still confused. Am I doing the right thing? Am I happy with what I’m doing? To be honest, what I love the most is writing. The sound of the keyboard clicking everytime I write, is very soothing, as fast as my heart beat.

"It was like a rainbow that sounded beautiful, it was unbelievably beautiful that it suddenly turns human into angel, and it made the world look like paradise. It was that kind of rainbow" – Jeong Chansik

Exactly. That was just the exact feeling. But I’m still not confident about myself. I’m not a genius. No matter how much I love writing, I just couldn’t write. Nothing came out of this head of mine. So I just scribble it here, at least I would smile by myself, just because, I love writing that much.

Find what makes your heart pound with passion and once you find it, take full ownership and run with it. This was like, the most perfect drama, for teenagers like us, to learn just a bit more about life, and about ourselves.


Tuesday, May 10, 2016

I Don't Know Anyone but You

Watching WGM has been my weekly routine for the past months. Every Monday, I would search for the newest episode of Sungjae and Joy. And if I have test the next day or busy the whole week, I would spare a day where I don’t have much work just to watch them. I don’t know why but I really enjoy watching them. Being playful and childish with each other, everything about them, I will definitely miss. It’s already ending, this is the last episode, I never thought I would actually cry just watching them. Joy cried very hard; it gets me very emotional as well. Ah how I wish they would actually date outside. Joy is about the same age as me, so what we’re thinking are almost the same. She really likes Sungjae, she must be thinking why can’t she just date the boy she likes? Why is it hard? Why it has to be like this? Why can’t we be the same anymore? But then, it was just a show, no matter how sincere they are, it’s just their work. At the end, everyone will be back to their own life, and everything will just become a mere memory.

My ideal type is definitely Yook Sungjae. Someone who’s playful, and doesn’t express himself much. He will always be sincere and caring. Someone who treats me like a child.

Saturday, April 30, 2016

Why Do I Keep Staying

"Big Boss. He's smart, funny... and mysterious. But... he has a lot of secrets. He'll disappear from time to time. He'll be hard to contact. And then, one day... He'll never come back."

I don't know why but this is so awkward. I’m used to being left, out of sudden. So when you just talk about random things, it felt weird. I still tried, pretending that it was normal. But why did I do that? Why did I even try? I should’ve just go away. Because that’s what you did. Came as you pleased and then leaving when you felt like it. Tbh, I really wanted to tell you how awkward you’re making me feel right now. How things are not the same. And you have no idea how many things I want to scold you for. Why am I holding this? Why can’t I just let it out like I used to? Because it’s not the same anymore. It’s just not. Fix this for me. Please. 


Monday, April 4, 2016

Us, both of us

Man and woman, are so different. I never really realized this, but man usually doesn’t express himself much, expecting woman to understand while woman on the other hand doesn’t understand just through action and need to hear the exact words in order to understand. Because, woman thinks too much, and tends to be confused. I was watching We Got Married, and Sungjae said that, “Trust. Because I trust Joy to feel the same way as I do, I can do anything comfortably around her. Because if Joy does it, I will still think she is lovely”.  Well, I couple shouldn’t be too comfortable with each other, but best friends should. (that’s why I think Sungjae-Joy relationship is more towards being best friends than a married couple)
Because nine years is long enough for a person to change, because nine years is long enough for a person move on, because nine years is long enough for a person to forget; maybe that’s why I thought “Ahh, we’re not 15 anymore, we’re not that close anymore, that person isn’t the same anymore”. So every time I want to call him first, I would think like 100 times and ended up not doing anything. But little did I know, that nine years is long enough to understand each other by heart.
Well, it’s been a while since we last talked to each other and of course neither of us wanted it to be awkward. But it has been so long that there were too many things to talk about that we don’t know what to talk about first. But the moment you initially talked about things that I know you hated and you don’t usually talk about, well, I was startled at first, I mean, why does he need to clarify this for me? Why do I need to know? Then I realized, that I’m still important, I’m still what I used to be to you. And I’m grateful for that.

“If a man does something that he doesn’t usually do, it means that person is important to him” – Jang Junseong